05; On-Offline

Hello and assalamualaikum, beautiful humans.

I am finally but not officially back to this dusty blog. I managed to lay my hands on the blog to refine it after years of using the same old layout few months ago. I am very much liking my new layout as it has its own identity with hints of pink and soft palettes.

In the mean time, I had been a very occupied person last (almost) two years and had been long gone from this safe space. I bustled with my last few semesters and my teaching practicum before I went for a long time to be on hiatus. Well, it was not really a hiatus I shall say but rather on being inconspicuous? (not like I was the center of attention but I think you get what I am saying). I prefer to be offline. I associated myself with nature and real life more than engaging with the nets.

Best to say, I deleted, uninstalled and deactivated most of my social medias because they had been draining my mental health. Like really. I often thought I am not good in my own way and wanted to be a resemblance of many other people I saw on social medias. I wished and talked negatively on myself and my body, "I wish I look more like her," or "How good does it feel to have such look and all the privileges." Yup, I know. I did not just talk negatively on myself but I started to envy someone else's life. How pathetic I had become at such time.

To top it off, my mental health became worse when I engaged with tweets or videos on the platforms that talk about trust, intuitive and anything that relates to those. I was so easy to believe or overthink the things I read. It was not just draining mentally, it made me so anxious that at that time I had became a person full of suspicious feelings toward almost everyone around me.

Alhamdulillah, after I decided to do what I should, I became a lot better. I have now picked up my old hobby to read physical books (and develop an unhealthy habit of buying books), practice more drawings and add acrylic type of painting to my favourites and try on many other things that has nothing to do with being online. I do installed back my social medias but I do not view things negatively as before. If, in case I feel that way I would take few days off so that I do not engage with such negative feelings.

I am still not at my best to stay positive about myself and loving myself more, but being offline most of the time really help me became better in so many ways and I am grateful of that. I hope everyone is become better in and out, too.

Love,

'Aizu.

(I wrote this in one go. I might edit the content idk)